Then the kids came home and the wheels fell off. Seriously, when I’m home with everyone by myself I operate at a level just sane enough to keep me out of a padded room, but not together enough to really qualify as competent. I’m pretty sure I’m going to crack a tooth at any moment from the constant clenching as I remind myself to count to ten, 20, 30…or whatever number it takes to keep me from screaming and jumping up and down while tearing out my hair in frustration.

Honestly, walk out into your yard…find the nearest weed…then tell it repeatedly to put on its shoes. Your success rate should be about even with mine. Then throw in the whining, crying, screeching refrains of “He hit me!!! I had it first!!!” and the ever popular catch all “Mommy! Mommy! MOOOOOOMMMMYYYYY!” and then wonder why I’m counting down until college.

I had a recent comment from a long lost relative, Dru, who asked if it was wrong to wish for nothing but time alone on her birthday. To which I offer a big, fat “NOOOOO!” with a cherry on top. I will flatly tell you that I daydream of vacationing alone. Of having the free time to take a community enrichment class in photography, creative writing, asian cooking, fiber arts or some other topic of interest to no one in the family but me. If that’s wrong, then count me among the guilty.

Don’t think I don’t love my boys. I count having children as one of the best things I’ve ever done in my life. But that being said, every now and again — and by every now and again, I mean as often as you can possibly swing it — you have to do a little something for yourself.

Today I made beet salad knowing that only I would truly appreciate it. At this point, you may be thinking, “Jodi, that is a truly pathetic attempt at pampering yourself.” Perhaps. But it was the only “just for me” thing I could work in today, aside from my 15 minutes of Yoga this morning.

Or you may just be thinking, “Ugh! Beets! Those things taste like dirt!” But cast your childish preconceptions aside and give em a try Jodi’s way. Honestly…these things are awesome.

Peel and cube 4 beets. Toss with 2 T. olive oil, a pinch of salt and pepper and some fresh thyme from your kitchen garden. (Don’t have a kitchen garden? Well that’s an easy fix. Even if you don’t have a yard, container gardens work great for herbs and can live quite happily on even the smallest sunny balcony. My personal must haves would include Basil, Thyme and Rosemary, but you could throw in some spicy Oregano or a few bunches of Chives to round it out. This also gives me something to do when I want to ship one of my kids to Morocco, as dead-heading and trimming my kitchen garden gives me an excuse to walk out the back door and take some time to calm down before hurling myself once more into the breach.) Bake your beets at 425 for 12 -15 minutes, stirring halfway through. Remove from oven, place in a small bowl and set aside to cool.

When you’re opening the oven for that midpoint beet stir, pop in a pan of walnuts to toast. Take 1/2 cup walnut halves or pieces, toss with 1 T. olive oil and a little salt and pepper and let them roast for 6 to 7 minutes. Then dump them in the bowl with the beets to cool off.

Thinly slice 1/2 a red onion, or my personal favorite — a sweet Vidalia onion, and toss in with the beets and walnuts.

For the dressing, combine 2 parts olive oil with 2 parts Red Wine Vinegar and 1 part real Maple Syrup. Add salt and pepper to taste and shake or whisk to combine. Pour over your beet/walnut combo and allow to marinate at room temperature for at least 20 minutes.

When ready to serve, place a portion over some baby spinach leaves, washed and trimmed, and crumble an ounce of soft goat cheese over the top. Heaven on a plate. As expected, the kids wanted no part of it tonight, but were happy to eat slivers of goat cheese by itself. So everybody wound up happy in the end. Always the goal.

I realize making yourself a beet salad may not be your idea of indulgence, but my point is…do what you gotta do to survive. Recruit a baby sitter and go get yourself a manicure. Pop in your earbuds and rock out to Lady Gaga while they watch one more soul-sucking episode of Barney (or worse, “Make Room for Noddy” — what sadist came up with that one?). When all else fails, hide in the bathroom and eat chocolate while you giggle maniacally at the knowledge that you aren’t going to share. Not One. Single. Bite!

Much love to all my friends in the trenches. We will survive!!

Here was our first attempt (photo courtesy of Whole Foods website as I haven’t had time for an upload):

Fresh. Healthy. Delicious!

Click the picture for a quick link to the recipe and you’ll find that the ingredients list couldn’t be fresher or easier. The crumble portion is simply pecans, walnuts, dates and cinnamon, but it is the best tasting thing I’ve had in ages.

It got mixed reviews from the kids as at least half our little posse won’t try anything they haven’t seen at least 10 times before, but Jason and I had to remind ourselves that we couldn’t eat the entire dish and still call it “healthy.”

If it’s summer in your neck of the woods, run — do not walk — to your nearest farmer’s market and load up on fresh strawberries, blueberries, blackberries and raspberries. Then serve this up for your bunch tonight.

FYI, it’s just as fabulous for breakfast the next day over some nice organic vanilla yogurt. Heaven! Who knew eating healthy could actually be a pleasure?

I bought one of these…

…but still can’t figure out how to use it. It looked a lot easier on YouTube.

I was really excited to receive this in the mail…

…and it was full of all these fun things…

…but not really all I was hoping for. It’s fun to get mail, but not fun to pay $33 for something that, ultimately, is of no use whatsoever.

Then we went on vacation where the boys and I spent tons of time at the beach and in the pool. Sadly all those pictures are on Tessa’s camera, and until I get copies, you’ll just have to take my word for it. But Jason did go fishing, where he caught a bunch of these:

…and saw a bunch of these:

And laughed himself silly over this:

Then, as we were frying up all those fish, I caught a glimpse of my rearview…

…and realized a diet had become mandatory. So I’m now a member of Weight Watchers Online. Lovely. If you’re suffering there, too, look me up! I’m registered under The Drunch and need all the support I can get.

Last week was pretty horrible, as Sam had (and still seems to have) a pretty vicious case of stomach flu. There are no pictures.

You’re welcome.

That brings us to today. Wherein Will enjoys a chocolate doughnut while trying to touch his nose with his tongue…

And Gus lurks nearby — ever hopeful…

Which gives Sam a fit of the giggles…

And leaves Tom plenty of time to clean up before I can get any embarrassing photos of him.

Now Jack and Jason are at the movies catching the afternoon showing of Iron Man 2 and Sam, Tom and Will are taking turns being the baby while the other two boys are the mom and dad. Babies apparently cry a lot and demand that their “mother” bring them cups of apple juice to make them feel better. Pretty spot on so far. Don’t you wish you were here?

Today is the second day of my road to recovery. I’ve signed up for Weight Watchers Online — and I’m actually logging every bite that goes in my mouth. Since yesterday, I’ve discovered a major source of previously unidentified calories — the boys’ leftovers. Case in point: I had to force myself to march to the garbage with a completely untouched warm brownie earlier today. Sam insisted it was the only thing he could stomach for lunch, then took one look, wrinkled his nose and asked, “It’s chocolate?”

“Yes, son…It’s a brownie,” I said flatly. “They’re always chocolate.”

“I not like it,” he shrugged. Turning away, he tossed over his shoulder, “Just throw it away.”

I stared down at its warm, gooey, goodness. It begged me to take just one tiny bite. I picked up the carton and read the completely sickening nutritional information. How many calories for this one (giant) brownie??? One forkful would pack at least 50 calories. Hmmm…I grabbed a fork, took one quick bite (What? Am I made of stone?), then I flipped the bowl upside down and squashed it deep into the garbage can. Disaster averted. Well…mostly. It could definitely have been worse.

Tonight we’re having a Mexican-inspired brown rice casserole with grilled pork tenderloin. Tomorrow night, I think I’ll add a few veggies, the leftover pork, some garlic, ginger and soy sauce to the plain rice I set aside and tell the boys it’s pork fried rice — while I make do with mostly veggies.

With a little luck and a LOT of willpower, I plan to be back in my cute jeans by fall. Twenty pounds is a big scary number, but at least I’ve stopped the downhill slide and am on my way back to a healthier, more comfortable me.

Got any favorite healthy recipes or diet tips? I’m all ears. In the same boat and want a buddy? Shoot me an e-mail and we’ll suffer through together. I may be too late to salvage swimsuit season, but just watch me rock a turtleneck this winter.

3/4 c. ketchup
1/2 c. blackberry jelly (no seeds, please)
2 T. Red Wine Vinegar
Dash of cinnamon
Dash of cloves

All measurements are approximate, as I tend to throw stuff in until it tastes right. This comes out as sort of an upscale barbecue sauce.

Season a tenderloin to taste. I chose to go with Salt Free Lemon Pepper seasoning just to see what would happen. Then of course I threw in some Kosher Salt — cause I do like salt, I just like to be in charge. It was fine, but plain old salt and pepper are a can’t-go-wrong choice. In an oven safe pan, sear it over high heat until brown and beautiful on all sides (I use peanut oil a lot because of its low smoke point, but that’s up to you. Experiment. Go crazy with some coconut oil for all I care). Then, spread half your sauce over it and throw it in a 450 degree oven for about 10 minutes or until it registers at least 160 degrees at its thickest point. If you don’t want to do the oven step, you could always brown all sides, then slice it into medallions and finish it in the pan. If you do it all on the stove top, don’t sauce it until they’re almost done, then throw it under the broiler so the sauce gets all bubbly and thick. It means the difference between a polite *Mmmm* and *OMG! Do you have anymore of this?*

Serve it with some kind of starch (I did couscous, but I’m still not sure I like that stuff — polenta would have totally rocked and that’s what I’ll do next go round) and a salad or green vegetable, and you’ve got yourself a restaurant quality meal.

See? I do have other skills. I just don’t choose to exercise all of them at once. Maybe now we’ll see an ad for the Slap Chop. Stay tuned.

Thin mints, Samoas, Tag-a-longs, Do-Si-Dos — I can honestly say I’ve never met Girl Scout Cookie I didn’t like, and I’ve got the waistline to prove it. But here they were advocating using precious Girl Scout Cookies as RECIPE INGREDIENTS!!!

Sorry for yelling, but that’s like staring long and hard at the Mona Lisa and then saying, “You know with a little work, this could be a really good painting.” You just can’t improve on perfection. But if you just can’t help yourself, you can find a slew of recipes here or even try your hand at making home-made Samoas here.

But if you want my opinion here’s the only Girl Scout Cookie “recipe” you’ll ever need:

Take one box Thin Mints. Place in freezer for two hours — or until you just can’t wait any longer. Eat entire box over the course of the day, telling yourself with each trip to the freezer, “I’ll just have one more.” Decide not to feel guilty about eating a whole box of cookies since Girl Scout Cookie time only rolls around once a year. Thank God.

Jason has become really enamored of Just Cook This with Sam the Cooking Guy on the Discovery Health Channel. He does lots of pretty easy stuff that looks fairly family friendly (i.e., there’s at least a slight chance my kids will eat it). So last night I decided to try cooking Thai for the first time ever. Here’s my ingredients, minus the raw chicken of course. If you want to look at raw meat, surf on down to another site. Cause it grosses me out, and there’s no way I’m posting pictures of things that make me ill.

O.k. so I just told a lie, because right there in living color is a bottle of Fish Sauce. Never used fish sauce before? Hmm…how to describe it…? Try and imagine a very large fish. Then imagine it dead, buried, dug up and rained on and that’s pretty much how fish sauce smells. I’m not kidding. To use it, I had to hold my breath while I added a quick splash. And then, while waiting for it to meld with the coconut milk and curry paste, I suffered serious anguish — certain I’d ruined the whole thing. Strangely enough, it does eventually “sink in” to the dish and gives it that unexplainable depth of flavor that we get in the Thai takeout the boys love. The fact that Thai takeout for six costs an arm and a leg was another motivation behind this dish.

Once I finally got it all put together and the chicken had a chance to simmer itself tender, I was surprised at how close it came to tasting like real Thai food. Doesn’t the color look great?

Before I do this again, I have to get Jasmine rice. I used basmati this time, and it completely overpowered the taste of the sauce. But I’m still patting myself on the back for the attempt. Next time…Green Curry!!

Shrimp and Angel Hair Pasta with Feta Cheese

2. lg. eggs

1 c. evaporated milk

1 c. plain yogurt

8 oz. feta cheese, crumbled

1/3 lb. Swiss cheese, shredded

1/3 c. fresh parsley, chopped

1 t. dried basil

1 t. dried oregano

4 cloves garlic, minced

½ lb. angel hair pasta, cooked

16 oz mild chunky salsa

2 lb. small Shrimp, uncooked, peeled and deveined if desired (Shocking Confession!!! I used a 2 lb. bag of frozen, cooked shrimp. I thawed them first, then proceeded as directed. There were no complaints.)

½ lb. mozzarella cheese, shredded

Preheat oven to 350. Coat a 9×13-inch baking dish with cooking spray. In large bowl, blend eggs, milk, yogurt, feta and Swiss cheeses, parsley, basil, oregano and garlic. Spread half of the pasta over bottom of baking dish – cover with salsa. Pour and spread egg mixture over pasta. Add remaining shrimp and top with mozzarella cheese. Press it down a bit because it’s going to be REALLY full.  Bake 30 minutes. Remove from oven and let stand 10 minutes before serving. If using precooked shrimp, cook until everything is heated through and the mozzarella on top is melted and starting to brown at edges — then feel free to serve it immediately rather than letting it stand the additional 10 minutes.

Note to my teenage nephews who went back for helping after helping last year in hopes of getting a buzz: Liqueur and Liquor are two very different things. Please consult a dictionary before tackling my next dessert — Black Bottom Pie with a touch of Myers’ Rum and a Ginger Snap Crust. All I have to do is find my cookbook from the Mobile Junior League — currently AWOL but it can’t have gone far.

Off to bed where I’ll lie awake half the night plotting where to put all the appetizers/wine/food/etc. I love a good party. Don’t you?

*This recipe fails to mention the need to cream the sugar and cream cheese before adding the whipping cream — something I know to do, but need to be reminded of when I’m in a hurry. That was mistake #1. Mistake #2 was beating the @#$% out of my whipping cream and winding up with something closer to a butter/skim milk blend. Like I said, I’m definitely a little rusty. As Jack says, “Mom’s not much of a cooker.”