Through many trials and repeated errors, I have, over these many, many years developed a few simple rules for lip color:

1) Gloss for summer;
2) Creme for Winter;
3) Matte and Semi-matte for twenty somethings only;
4) No strong smell; and
5) absolutely, positively NOT sticky

And so the sampling began. First, I sashayed up to the Dior counter and took in their fantastic spring/summer shades. I excitedly let the sales girl apply Dior Addict Ultra Gloss Reflect in Pink Liberty, but I was destined for disappointment. Not only was I nauseated by the heavy perfume of their gloss, but the effort of prying my upper lip from my bottom gave my speech the labored cadence of Tom Hanks’ character in Forrest Gump. Not exactly what I was going for in my efforts to glamorize.

I moved to Chanel — a trusted favorite in the creme lipstick category. Their gloss was not quite as sticky as Dior’s but still left something to be desired. And the color palette made me feel as if I’d seen it all before. Ditto for NARS, as I was hugely saddened to see the Orgasm gloss they sold as a complement to their fantastic Orgasm blush (which looks great on everyone) was nothing close in shade. It honestly seemed like they didn’t match at all. I blame my underlying lip color rather than the geniuses at NARS. It’s a great brand by virtue of their blush and eyeshadows alone, and I don’t want to disparage it.

Finally, I hit pay dirt at the Laura Mercier counter. I’m intimately familiar with her Secret Camouflage (the only choice if your undereye circles bring to mind Uncle Fester from The Adams’ Family, as mine most certainly do). Not only was there virtually no scent to the product, but also it felt smooth and comfortable on my lips — almost like a moisturizing balm, but with a nice level of shine to boot. Best of all, the shade name — Bellini. Can you believe it? Perfect for all the drunches still ahead of us this summer! Now run out and get yours so everyone will think we’re twins.