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The Ugly Truth

Well…it’s official. I’m fat. After about a year of denial — including convincing myself that plenty of people develop larger boobs after 30 and blaming my dryer for the fact that all my pants are seriously invading my personal space — I’ve finally had to admit that I’ve ballooned up 15 pounds over last year’s fat weight. You know, the good old days when I only had 10 pounds left to lose. It’s really tough owning up to all those tortilla chips and margaritas, but when I saw a rear view photo of myself in a bathing suit last week (and no, I will not be sharing it here), there was simply no room left to pretend.

Today is the second day of my road to recovery. I’ve signed up for Weight Watchers Online — and I’m actually logging every bite that goes in my mouth. Since yesterday, I’ve discovered a major source of previously unidentified calories — the boys’ leftovers. Case in point: I had to force myself to march to the garbage with a completely untouched warm brownie earlier today. Sam insisted it was the only thing he could stomach for lunch, then took one look, wrinkled his nose and asked, “It’s chocolate?”

“Yes, son…It’s a brownie,” I said flatly. “They’re always chocolate.”

“I not like it,” he shrugged. Turning away, he tossed over his shoulder, “Just throw it away.”

I stared down at its warm, gooey, goodness. It begged me to take just one tiny bite. I picked up the carton and read the completely sickening nutritional information. How many calories for this one (giant) brownie??? One forkful would pack at least 50 calories. Hmmm…I grabbed a fork, took one quick bite (What? Am I made of stone?), then I flipped the bowl upside down and squashed it deep into the garbage can. Disaster averted. Well…mostly. It could definitely have been worse.

Tonight we’re having a Mexican-inspired brown rice casserole with grilled pork tenderloin. Tomorrow night, I think I’ll add a few veggies, the leftover pork, some garlic, ginger and soy sauce to the plain rice I set aside and tell the boys it’s pork fried rice — while I make do with mostly veggies.

With a little luck and a LOT of willpower, I plan to be back in my cute jeans by fall. Twenty pounds is a big scary number, but at least I’ve stopped the downhill slide and am on my way back to a healthier, more comfortable me.

Got any favorite healthy recipes or diet tips? I’m all ears. In the same boat and want a buddy? Shoot me an e-mail and we’ll suffer through together. I may be too late to salvage swimsuit season, but just watch me rock a turtleneck this winter.

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10 Responses

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  1. amy says

    See, I have the opposite problem. My kids eat all my food. It’s always better when it’s Mama’s.

    I wish I had some tips for you, but this isn’t my particular challenge. However, I can recommend some food allergies–those might help. Let’s see, cutting out dairy for a year really cut down on the fattening stuff I could eat. Right now I’m not eating eggs or gluten. It’s a lot harder to eat brownies on a whim when you have to make them from scratch with either a $6 mix or a special blend of flours…

  2. alonna says

    Here is a dieter’s trick. Don’t eat anything past 6 p.m if possible and if you feel like you are starving have some de-caff. herb tea hot. It takes away hunger pains and fills you up. Good luck, by the way I can’t seem to shake a solid 7 pounds since last summer. I’m blaming on turning 35. Good luck you can do it!

  3. jodi says

    Amy…I think that’s how I stayed thin up until the last year. But now they’re slimming down and I’m puffing up. But maybe I’ll take a page from your playbook and pretend everyone’s allergic to all my favorite things. :)

    Alonna — I will definitely have to try that. I love hot tea, I just never bother with it at home. I think a cute teapot might inspire me to make that a nightly ritual. And there’s really nothing like therapeutic shopping, right? :)

  4. lisa says

    I love Bocca burgers and chicken patties. Especially for a quick lunch. They are around 120 cal. Of coarse, you will have to have an afternoon snack (almonds, fruit). Good luck.

  5. Kimmy says

    A good stomach virus goes a long way. Or food poisoning ( Daniel George last Friday)!

  6. Barbara says

    Just don’t eat less than you’re allowed on the program. If you undereat (does anyone besides my Durwood actually undereat?) your body will hold onto the weight. I’m a year into WW’s old Quick Start program (it’s the one I have 4 cookbooks for) and have lost nearly 40#, but then I’m old (58 1/2) and still have 80# I could lose but I’m settling for moving closer to a fit and healthy lifestyle, cuz I ain’t never gonna be skinny. Fit and healthy, that’s my new mantra. I chant it as I use my Wii Fit every morning. I’m so using Alonna’s herbal tea suggestion, evening is the worst time for me.

  7. Bells says

    i lost that amount in about 4 months last year – I wish I had your problem, just needing to lose that amount. I could lose it again, but I am choosing to enjoy life and slow down the loss a bit. I wasn’t happy on the diet.

  8. jodi says

    Bells, I’m so with you. It works great for me, until I get within 5 or 10 lbs of goal, then the calories drop so drastically, I just say screw it and stop. But if I can just get into all the clothes I already have, I’ll be happy. :)

  9. mandy says

    I teach lots of kids whose parents stay skinny on crack. Just tossing that out there. :P Bet your house would be IMMACULATE too! HAHAHAHA

  10. jodi says

    Mandy — you are not right. Still hilarious though. ;)



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