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I refuse to let his ham go to waste. Simply refuse. Even though I’m sick of ham sandwiches and ham roll-ups and the ever popular ‘pile of ham’ — as in, “I don’t want any vegetables mom, just a big ol’ pile of ham.” So tonight I decided to try something I’ve heard of but never actually eaten, Deviled Ham Spread. I googled the recipe, and it looked pretty much like Tuna Salad only, you know, with ham. So I set to work breaking down chunks of ham in my mini food processor. This involved carving off large chunks, trimming the fat, then slicing them into smaller chunks, which I then pulsed into a fragrant pink hash.

It wasn’t nearly as much fun as I’m making it sound.

Tom walks in as I’m frowning at the processor, wondering why one large chunk is just floating on top of the rest and refusing to get chopped to ribbons.

“What kind of smoothie are you making Mommy?”

“Ummm…actually, I guess it’s ham,” I say wriggling my eyebrows at Tommy.

“Mooommm!” he giggles. “That’s not right!”

And it really isn’t. Something about the shredded ham is not working for me, and I’m starting to wonder about this whole undertaking. But I soldier on stirring in the mayonnaise (bleh!), sweet relish (ick!) and mustard. I’m okay with mustard. It’s never done anything to offend me. But the rest of it coagulates into a slimy, pink, ham-scented ball.

But I refuse to be defeated. Surely, once paired with a tasty, crisp saltine this whole mess will suddenly be transformed into a tasty — and most importantly, thrifty — treat.

I solicit volunteers, but apparently the boys have played guinea pig once too many times. There are no takers. I decide to take one for the team and slather a Triscuit with a hefty sample. I am NOT a fan. I try a different cracker with the same result. There’s just no getting around it, this stuff is gross.

But that doesn’t mean we’re not having it for dinner.

As Ice T says, Thrifty ain’t easy…but it’s necessary. Or something to that effect.

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