Dear God…

…I’m really not sure how prayer works in retrospect, but I really could have used just a smidge more grace this morning at 6:15 when Sam poured the Cheerios in my bed. I realize he was just hungry and trying to move the whole process along, but I’m either going to need you to help them not wake me up quite so dramatically… or else help me wake up much more cheerfully when I’ve just rolled over in something crunchy. You know I’m trying awfully hard not to be a mommy who yells. But the fact that a certain other child still hides from me so he can deliberately poop his pants is starting to stretch my smile into a grimace. Just a heads up that maybe a little more help on that front would be appreciated. The constant fighting-shrieking-biting-kicking-hitting is beginning to wear a little thin as well. I’m not saying you have to turn them all into Little Lord Fauntleroy, but maybe making them start to feel uncontrollably sleepy around 1:30 would not be untoward.

Let’s see…I know there was something else. Oh, yeah! That whole “when you pray for patience, you’ll receive opportunities to practice it” thing? I don’t think that’s actually in the Bible, so could we stop practicing it so regularly? Like…instead of me actually having to be patient all the time, I could just meditate on it while I knit. I really think I could nail that one, God — as long as it’s not a lace pattern.

So anyhow…great talking to you. We should do this more often.

What’s that?

You’re open 24/7?

I’m picking up on your sarcasm, God. Well played.