I’m Bringin’ Togas Back

Forget about bringing “sexy” back, Justin. Could we maybe focus on bringing togas back instead? This just occurred to me as I sit staring at a mountain of very tiny clothing. Clothing that I have to fold in the next 3.5 minutes before it is officially so wrinkled that it must be ironed — a special little layer of hell all to itself.

As I contemplated this herculean task, this insurmountable objective, this colossal conglomeration of clothing (isn’t alliteration fun?), I realized how much easier my life with laundry would be if it were all just sheets and towels. Because I can do sheets and towels. In fact, I’d even say I was gifted with a fitted sheet.

But once you force me to move beyond the wonderfully sensible world of rectangles, then the train just runs right off the rails. The tiny t-shirts, tiny shorts, itty-bitty socks and comic book colored underwear…it’s just too much! Too many angles. Too many hems and stitches and wrinkly, uncooperative bits. I’m getting a headache just looking at it!

This is where the Greeks had it right (not the bit with the animal sacrifice and rogering of close relatives…let’s just ignore that part for the sake of this discussion). They boiled clothing down to its essence. A big rectangle artfully draped, and Voila! You’re ready for work…for an outing…for a fancy-dress party. Always in style, never overdressed. Really, what more could you ask for in a single piece of clothing?

And since we’ve established that Sam prefers to go commando if given the slightest provocation (as seen both here and here), it just stands to reason that togas are the way to go. In fact, I could recycle all those old crib sheets we don’t use anymore. Ha! How green is that idea?

Throw in som Marxist rhetoric, and maybe I’ll get appointed as the new Green Jobs Czar. As long as there’s no laundry in the job description, I’m IN!!!